Dear Friend,

If you've been following me for a while you know that I shouldered most of the responsibility of caring for my aging parents.  

It's not that I didn't have any siblings but rather my sister wasn't interested in participating.  

Last week, 35 years of bottled up frustrations came out in a single sentence and it put an end to our relationship. 

Without going into all the details, I feel relieved.

35 years ago my sister left the family home without telling anyone and never looked back.  

For 35 years I've exhaustively tried to maintain a relationship with her but I finally feel relieved I don't have to try anymore.  I'm finally ok with walking away from this relationship and never looking back.  

Am I sad it's come to this?  Yes, I am and I bet as I get older it might sadden me even more.  But when someone doesn't want to engage with you no matter how hard you try, sometimes it's just better to leave well enough alone and move on.

And I guess that's where I have landed.  I'm tired of making the effort only to be slapped down at every turn.  

The reality is we have a lot going against us:

1.  We live far apart.
2.  We have almost nothing in common
3.  I wouldn't pick her to be my friend given the choice. 
4.  She's not the person I confide in.
5.  We don't see eye to eye on anything.
6.  She's toxic and negative.

And probably the biggest issue is I'm not sure I can ever really forgive her for hurting my parents and leaving me alone to care for them. 

And so I did what I thought I would never do - I sent her a letter and said my goodbye's to her.  I can finally stop pretending we have a relationship when in reality we don't and haven't had one for over 35 years.  

Just because we are family, doesn’t me we have to get along. Just because she is my sister, doesn’t me I am obliged to accept her into my life.

Sometimes the most toxic person in your life is a relative, and as such the best thing to do is to completely disconnect from them.

Every single person in my inner circle is good for me. Those who are not good for me have no place in my life or my future.

Ultimately that's what is best for me. 

Have you ever had serious problems with a family member?  

If so I suggest you think long and hard about the relationship and if it's a healthy relationship for you or not.  And if it isn't, remember nowhere does it say you MUST stay in that relationship just because they are family.

I don't wish my sister any ill will.  I hope the best for her, just without me in her life.  

I hope this helps someone out there who is struggling with a toxic family dynamic to always remember to do what's right for you.

Talk soon, Maureen 
:)

 

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