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Make the First Move: >> How To Make That First Move
In response to my “multiple women, multiple problems” episode I
wrote a few days ago, Scott W. sent in an excellent response,
lending a perspective all men should pay attention to.
Read it, and my reply below.
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Great column today John!
I've seen only one dating coach seriously discuss the hassles of
The show "Big Love" about Mormon polygamy deftly showed that three
wives means three times the bullshit, drama and emotional demands.
The husband ran himself ragged putting out fires and doing damage
I wrote to one dating coach about a challenge I learned about
dating several women at a time: If you seduce one smoothly and
you're getting laid, you have far less patience for another who's
reluctant. It requires a lot of discipline not to get impatient
with the more challenging but worthwhile women -- and I failed to
maintain that equilibrium a few times. In one case, my impatience
cost me a woman in my circle who would've been a great long-term
prospect, and it haunts me to this day.
Well, when I mentioned being haunted, the coach brutalized me in
a newsletter, saying I was showing a scarcity mentality. He missed
my main point, perhaps deliberately. He is among the gurus who
sells an idealized harem lifestyle, and doesn't want anyone
mentioning any drawbacks.
Glad you shoot straight, telling it how it is, warts and all.
JA: Great to hear from you, Scott, and your perspective is right
on. The idealized harem lifestyle is really nothing more than a
juvenile fantasy, and most guys who preach it have little real
world experience with it, or if they do, they don’t have much
else going on in their lives.
Any reading of history will tell you the dangers of trying to
form a “harem,”—one Egyptian Pharoah was assassinated by his,
and there is evidence that Genghis Khan was poisoned by one of
his wives. But I think the point you bring up is the best one
for a modern society—you may miss out on a really great woman
who needs time invested, and such a woman who wants nothing to
do with being one of many. Since there aren’t that many great
woman, she has a great many suitors, and can choose the
circumstance she prefers—and we both know being a part of a
“harem,” official or unofficial is not something she will ever
It is, I believe, valuable for younger men to date a lot of
different women with the idea of finding out both the true nature
of women (good and bad) and what they prefer in a woman. But
there comes a point where “drowning in a sea of pointless pussy”
(to quote Hank Moody’s girlfriend Karen from season 1 of
Californication) prevents you from attracting a very high quality
woman who will contribute more to your life than the sum of all
the women you may be sleeping with, and that’s something every man
Make the First Move: >> How To Make That First Move
On with the fun…
“The King of Let ‘em Come to You”
PS Got something for me personally? Email it to: email@example.com
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