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Normalcy of relationships

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Hey Guys—

It is always amusing to listen to college students.  They always

think they have discovered the secret to world and relationship
harmony, never recognizing that their predecessors thought the
same thing.

In a recent conversation with a friend roughly my age, I asked her

about her relationships, both business and personal over the last
ten years.

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Most of them had not survived.  Friends she thought were friends

ten years ago turned out not to be so.  Business partners had
cheated her.  A marriage had broken up.  She was on good terms
with only about 30% of the people she’d been on good terms with
ten years ago.

What happened?  Normalcy happened. If you look at most people’s

relationships over that period of time, you’ll see about the same
result, especially if many of those relationships are business
partnerships.  Go all the way back to college, and you’ll see the
same thing— harmony in relationship is not lasting.

Haughty college students will, of course, tell you otherwise, that

THEY are wise and smart and moral and inclusive and because they
are good people will experience nothing but harmony in their
relationships.  Within 5 years, that belief, as it always is, will
be shattered.

One of the best observations I have yet heard about human nature

(from Dr. Robert Conquest) is that “humans are neither ants nor
sharks.”  What that means is we do not exist in a mindless
collective with each happily doing our assigned tasks for the good
of the group.  We seek to increase our capacity for independent
action to achieve our own personal goals.

Yet we realize that in order to do so, we must work with others.  

We form uneasy alliances knowing that working together will help
us achieve our individual goals, and that if we don’t, we won’t
get there.  Yet we keep in mind that we care about OUR desired
outcomes first.  We cannot be sharks living a solitary existence,
but we are certainly not ants either.  We are formers of uneasy
alliances, most of which are doomed to fail from the beginning.

To pretend otherwise is to be a “stupid person.”  It is always an

earth shattering event when an idealistic younger person gets
shafted by an equally idealistic younger person they trusted, but
it is their first introduction to how the world really works. Some
hold on to childish beliefs about humans and goodness and live a
life of disappointment, and others grown up and learn how to manage
humans and self interest.

The normalcy of relationship is that people act in their own self

interest, and many do so while claiming (lying) that they are
selfless and put others first (watch out for these people). Manage
all your relationships knowing this, and you will have good
relationships.  You won’t be disappointed when someone acts in
their own self interest because you expect them too.  It is, after
all, how the world works, and no safe space will ever change that.

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On with the fun…

-John Alanis

“The King of Let ‘em Come to You”

PS Questions?  Comments?  Send them to

Oh, and hey, forward this email to your friends, too—don’t leave

them out of the fun!

Copyright, Art Of Steel, Inc.  MMX

This email is protected by copyright, MMX, Art Of Steel, Inc.
All right reserved. Reproduction in any form of any
portion of this email is strictly prohibited without the
express written consent of Art Of Steel, Inc. and John Alanis,

John Alanis
Art Of Steel, Inc.  
4424 Gaines Ranch Loop #1035
Austin, TX 78735, USA
512 892 8839 Phone

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