There were a lot of eligible bachelors at yesterday's J.Crew fall press preview, and by eligible bachelors, we mean about a dozen male mannequins begging to be included in a classic game of F*ck, Marry, Kill. What started out as a simple tweet from our shopping director Tiffany Yannetta
soon ballooned into an office-wide giggle fest while we hotly debated each other's choices.
Pictured from left to right: Sweater, suit, and scarf.
While the results varied, scarf man really fared the worst here. Pretty much everyone was suspicious of that accessory choice. Here, some highlights:
Tiffany:Fuck sweater, marry suit, kill scarf
It’s very obvious. Sweater guy is sexy but definitely a player, so one and done. The suit has money, and I like money. The scarf guy is clearly a psychopath.
Meredith: Fuck suit, marry sweater, kill scarf
I would fuck suit guy because I would like to have nice things purchased for me in the short term, but I would not be able to handle a prolonged power imbalance in a relationship — I want, like, four to six $20 cocktails and maybe a take-home Brooks Brothers shirt, end of story.
I would marry sweater guy because he's the only one who has a *shot* at a sense of humor, and the rules of Fuck, Marry, Kill are very strict and you can't just kill everyone — it's not called Massacre. We'd have issues because he'd keep bringing jokes I made at home into the Late Night with Seth Meyers writers’ room, but marriage is tough.
I would kill scarf guy because scarf guy is CLEARLY a preppy murderer and it's a kill-or-be-killed world with him. If I saw him at Dorrian's, I would be like, "How did I get here?" and also, "Runnnnnnnn!" I am honestly concerned for my coworkers who wouldn't kill him, I think there's already blood on that scarf.
Chavie: Fuck suit, marry scarf, kill sweater
I'd fuck suit because he's good-looking, but also def a serial killer. You meet him in a bar, sleep with him once, and never tell anyone again. And change your number.
Scarf guy is marry-able because he's obviously clean and reliable. He probably smells spicy, has a beard, and maybe a sense of humor given that he's okay with wearing a flashy scarf with an otherwise neutral outfit. He probably cooks and cleans, and so he's the obvious choice of husband.
Kill sweater because he's probably a little shit? Sweater man HAS GOT TO GO.
The Bebe we once knew — a gold mine of impossibly tight dresses and rhinestone logo tees — may be swirling down the drain. Bloomberg reported on Monday that the chain is looking to close all of its stores
and remake itself as an online-only brand, hoping to avoid bankruptcy in the process. That’s worse than expected: In September, Bebe said that it was planning to close at least 40 of its 184 retail and outlet stores in 2017.
If this sounds familiar, it’s because the systematic failure of mall brands is one of the biggest retail stories this year. Wet Seal
decided to close all its locations; J.C. Penney, Macy’s, and Payless
announced they were shuttering some storefronts; and BCBG filed for bankruptcy. Like Bebe, The Limited closed down its stores and filed for bankruptcy with the aim of getting back up and running online.
At this point, the inevitable question is just: Who’s next? —Eliza Brooke, senior reporter
All things must come to an end, even our makeup. Whether it’s the perfect tube of lipstick that’s four years old or an eyeshadow palette you’ve had even longer, it can be hard to let go. Though manyarticles warn of the dangers
of using old makeup, complete with the advice of doctors, helpful infographics showing when things expire, and evidence of how much bacteria is living on our products, most of us still have a few old pieces in our collection.
Even Dr. Sonam Yadav, a cosmetics dermatologist, admitted to having a five-year-old stash of eyeshadows and creamy lipsticks stored in her fridge. Still, as the medical voice of reason, she reminded me that “expired products may cause serious skin and eye infections [and] allergic reactions [that] need lengthy complicated treatment.” She also recommended discarding “all liquid, gel, and cream products at the earliest sign of a change in consistency, even [if that happens] before expiry dates.”
So how long are we ignoring expiration dates? I interviewed five people with very different makeup routines and skill levels, from a makeup artist to someone who only wears it on special occasions, to ask what their oldest pieces were.
I first bought this Garnier FructisSleek and Shine Leave-In Conditioner because I was a broke graduate student who needed leave-in conditioner and couldn’t afford the salon-quality products my stylist would show me at the end of my bank-account-breaking hair appointments. When I picked up this rather garish-looking green bottle that promised “sleek” and “shiny” hair, I expected it to be what drugstore purchases always were for me: a $3 bridge to my next one-and-done purchase.
But then it actually worked. There was no residue or product build-up, and my hair felt moisturized, soft, and clean. It unlocked the secret to low-maintenance hair, and I’ve been using it for the last five years. —Jeanna Kadlec, contributing writer
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